More about play.
Dawn of hen-party
by Katerina Aksonova
idea March 2010.
NELL – bride.
AUGUSTA – Maid of Honour.
FIONA – hotel’s owner.
ETHEL – groom’s mother.
Hotels long hallway with room’s doors. At the centre of the stage, little table with flowers, two chairs near it.
Opens one of the doors, enters Nell in morning bathrobe. Without sound she closes the door of room. Nell has an hangover.
NELL: Not again. Why it happens with me?
Nell slowly goes to chair near table. Sits on it. Closes her mouth by hand. Looks scared.
NELL: I need help. I need somebody who will tell me it just a mistake. Somebody who will tell me there are thousand of green mini-vans with sticker on it “Hot night, lovely morning”.
It couldn’t happened to me. Not that way. Not like was before.
I need to drink. Hope something is left in mini-bar.
Nell stands up and goes to the door of her room. Starts to open the door, than stops.
NELL: I can’t. Now I am awake and could see it. Why I stared on that window?
Fine, I need a plan. I need someone who could help me with escape.
Augusta! Yes, only she could help. She knows what to do. She knew it before, she will help me now.
Nelly comes back to the chair, sits on it. Takes out from the pocket phone, thinks a little and starts texting. Makes pauses, deletes something, at the end sends message. Listens to the sounds. Sound of received message out of stage.
NELL: Gusta will find an exit. At least she will find a taxi to our run away.
Where is she? I heard her phone.
Nelly texts again and sends message. Sound of received message out of stage. Then something fells down.
NELL: She wakes up.
Everything will be fine. Not as previously. Now I mistaken. Last time it also was my gaffe. But this time I was wrong that I made a mistake.
Where is she? Few more seconds and I’ll go mad.
Slowly opens one of the doors. Nell at first scares, but then she sees who is enters. Smile of relief on Nell’s face.
Enters Augusta in silly T-short, in her hears is flower from paper. Augusta also has a hangover. She slowly goes near table and sits on the second chair.
AUGUSTA: Emergency! Fire! It happens again! We need to run!
NELL: I hoped that you understand. Thank you!
AUGUSTA: Do you have something against headache? I feel I have three heads.
Augusta tries to makes her hear, and has a flower in hand.
AUGUSTA: Why this plant in my head?
NELL: We are in trouble!
NELL: Big trouble!
AUGUSTA: Do you try to tell that it is your honeymoon and you bring me to that island?
NELL: Are you drunk?
AUGUSTA: Like you!
NELL: No, wedding day is today.
AUGUSTA: Thanks God, I was nervous that I didn’t have my favourite swim suit.
NELL: Black and white?
AUGUSTA: Yes, with that lovely strip.
NELL: We have another problem.
NELL: Do you remember our yesterday party?
AUGUSTA: I was planning it. Party for girls only. Yes.
NELL: It was lovely, thank you.
AUGUSTA: You are my friend and I want to make a present to you. Unforgettable present.
NELL: Yes. Absolutely unforgettable.
AUGUSTA: What happened?
NELL: I think that entertainment man is still here.
AUGUSTA: Do you have something against headache?
NELL: You had already asked.
AUGUSTA: Have you?
NELL: Did you hear me?
AUGUSTA: Yes. No pills.
NELL: Entertainment man.
AUGUSTA: I remember, you asked if he is still here. Perhaps.
NELL: Than we have a problem.
AUGUSTA: When you told me that entertainment man is still here do you tried to tell that...
NELL: Stripper is still here.
AUGUSTA: Nell, you again. I thought that you really love Robert, not like Tyler.
NELL: I told you than, and I told you now. I love, loved Tyler. But I was drunk. But Robert is different.
AUGUSTA: Why you are here?
NELL: I don’t know.
NELL: I waked up, looked at the window and saw it.
AUGUSTA: Is he outside?
NELL: His car.
AUGUSTA: Green mini-van with sticker on it “Hot night, lovely morning.”
AUGUSTA: You are in big trouble. If Ethel will know that he spend night here.
AUGUSTA: We will have Bartholomew's night.
NELL: Dawn! Morning!
NELL: Morning of Bartholomew's night.
AUGUSTA: Give me your phone I will call a taxi. Nell, I hope it will be last time.
NELL: What for taxi?
AUGUSTA: To run away or this time you want a public scandal.
NELL: I don’t know.
AUGUSTA: Make your decision quick!
NELL: I don’t know if it’s the same like with Tyler. You know, this time.
AUGUSTA: Why you didn’t order at least a coffee and than we could talk?
NELL: With Tyler. I know. This time I didn’t look.
AUGUSTA: You didn’t look if you were alone in bed!
NELL: You could cry louder, in case Ethel was still asleep.
NELL: Now you understand how big is our trouble.
AUGUSTA: Your. But I comprehend. What we will do?
NELL: I hope that you tell me that.
NELL: Have your time! We will wait when everybody will awake and than we ask them.
AUGUSTA: Stop. Don’t be nervous.
NELL: Nervous. Not at all. I am panicked. And you know what?
NELL: I think I have to do something with drinking.
AUGUSTA: Yes. When you drunk you need a man.
NELL: If I made mistake second time.
AUGUSTA: You’ll have a style.
NELL: Thank you.
AUGUSTA: Run-away bride.
NELL: I get it at first.
AUGUSTA: Fine. Maybe you will check.
AUGUSTA: Were you alone or?
NELL: This time we could start from you.
NELL: It could happen.
AUGUSTA: How it will help you?
NELL: You are not a bride and you could...
AUGUSTA: Spend the night with entertainment man.
NELL: It would be easy for all of us.
AUGUSTA: Isn’t it more usual with best man?
NELL: After wedding, not before.
AUGUSTA: I do it only for you. Last time.
NELL: I know. You are my Made of Honour and on next wedding...
AUGUSTA: It was really movingly.
NELL: Thank you.
Augusta stands up and goes to her room’s door, waves to Nell and enters inside room.
NELL: It can’t be. Yes. Two times. No. She will return and she will say that he was with her.
Or with someone else. With whom?
Augusta’s laugh behind stage.
NELL: Laugh is good sign or bad. For me or for her?
She is good friend. Yes, good indication for me. He was with her. He is attractive, has strange job. Who cares, problems at work have everybody.
Where is she? Maybe she changes her mind and she with him...
I haven’t anything against it, but she could tell me. Augusta knows that I am edgy.
Enters Augusta, laughs.
NELL: Is everything fine?
AUGUSTA: I don’t know.
NELL: Than what is nothing.
AUGUSTA: In my bed is nobody.
AUGUSTA: I’m terribly sorry.
NELL: Why you laugh?
AUGUSTA: I watched our photos on phone. They are so silly.
NELL: Yes, we will have something to remember.
AUGUSTA: We still have a hope.
NELL: Yes, hope that taxi will arrive soon.
AUGUSTA: You really love Robin.
NELL: I tell myself that all the time. I will never done it with Robin.
AUGUSTA: You see.
NELL: Yes. If I did it. It wasn’t Robin!
NELL: You will run with me.
AUGUSTA: Yes, and I help you to send back all presents.
NELL: You are real friend.
AUGUSTA: And now we need to do one little thing.
AUGUSTA: You know.
NELL: No. Never. Not we. Please, go alone.
AUGUSTA: Don’t you want to know?
NELL: I will believe you.
AUGUSTA: Pretend that everything is fine.
AUGUSTA: Somebody is coming upstairs.
NELL: It could be Robin.
AUGUSTA: You are the happiest bride in the world.
NELL: I’ll try.
Enters Fiona with a coffee tray.
NELL: Fiona, thank God.
FIONA: Morning, girls. You had a lovely night.
AUGUSTA: Thanks for coffee.
FIONA: You need it.
Nell takes one of caps, drinks slowly.
AUGUSTA: Did boys wake up?
Nell starts to caught.
FIONA: Wiley goes to them with coffee.
AUGUSTA: How kind of you both.
FIONA: I love weddings. When lovers came here it end with argues in the morning.
AUGUSTA: Yes, weddings are totally different.
Nell caught again.
FIONA: Darling, you catch cold on wedding day!
NELL: Hope it will pass. Yes, Augusta.
AUGUSTA: I will try to find a remedy for you.
FIONA: That good-looking boy is still here?
FIONA: Yes, you invited me. He was gorgeous.
FIONA: Exactly! (giggles)
NELL: I don’t think so.
FIONA: He was stunning.
AUGUSTA: And expensive like a sin.
FIONA: He worth it. I have a big experience of hen-parties.
NELL: Thank you!
FIONA: More coffee?
AUGUSTA: I think all girls will need it.
FIONA: In morning you need a lot of coffee. Have a nice day!
AUGUSTA: Thank you.
Fiona exits with empty tray.
NELL: We still could go now, no matter that she saw us.
AUGUSTA: Coffee is wonderful!
NELL: We have to run away.
AUGUSTA: At first we need to check everything.
NELL: You meant my bedroom.
AUGUSTA: All rooms.
AUGUSTA: If he wasn’t with you, we have to hide him from Ethel.
NELL: Yes. She was against man on the hen-party.
AUGUSTA: Her plan was to play charades.
NELL: You know how bad I am in charades.
AUGUSTA: Disastrous. But now I think it was excellent plan.
NELL: I don’t want to look stupid.
AUGUSTA: It’s better than run away on taxi.
NELL: If he is not in my room I will be listen to all Ethel’s plans to the end of my life or her.
AUGUSTA: I don’t believe you.
NELL: Honestly, I will try.
AUGUSTA: Fine, I will go.
NELL: Only my room. All others room I will check myself.
AUGUSTA: Don’t you think it will look strange when bride on morning of the wedding is looking for stripper in hotel?
NELL: I don’t care if he is not in my room.
AUGUSTA: Hope this time you didn’t make the same mistake.
NELL: Poor Robin.
AUGUSTA: Poor you.
NELL: Yes, poor me. Go. Stop. At first we need a taxi.
AUGUSTA: At first we need to know.
NELL: As you say.
Augusta slowly goes to Nell’s room door, opens it and goes inside.
NELL: Now everything will end. Really, everything.
Do I need to write a note to Robin? Did I write note to Tyler? No. He was just a rich jerk. But Robin. Maybe he could forgive me.
He knows me well, he knows that I am stupid when I am drunk.
No, I am foolish all the time. Robin, he is the only man... Yes, I told him. Before that about my run-away from Tyler knows truth only Augusta. And I told him. I told him!
Opens door and enters Augusta, she makes big eyes.
AUGUSTA: Oh, yes!
NELL: I need a taxi. I need a lawyer. Lawyer and taxi. Tell me.
AUGUSTA: Why you need a lawyer?
NELL: I knew it. In my bed is a man.
NELL: He is asleep.
AUGUSTA: He had pillow on his face and snores.
NELL: Did you see his face?
AUGUSTA: Yes. I removed pillow.
NELL: Did you recognize him?
NELL: Is it...
Women take hands and begin to jump.
AUGUSTA: You really can’t spend night before wedding alone.
NELL: I have my own style.
AUGUSTA: You have.
NELL: Everything is fine!
AUGUSTA: For you. But we still need to find our...
NELL: Entertainment man.
AUGUSTA: Fiona’s coffee is real magic for your brain.
NELL: Where will we go now?
NELL: I am happy and now I can stand everything.
AUGUSTA: Then at first on Clarise’s room.
Nell and Augusta enter in one of the doors, than quickly exit, gigle.
AUGUSTA: Joan is with her.
NELL: I can’t make a photo, hands shaking it so stupid.
AUGUSTA: Yes. Like Tristan and Isolde.
NELL: And bottle of champagne between them.
AUGUSTA: Now we could enter into Ethel’s room.
NELL: Don’t be stupid.
AUGUSTA: We are having fun.
NELL: No. Never. Even if she has there all married man of our town.
AUGUSTA: She is your future mother-in-law.
NELL: She didn’t like Robin’s choice.
AUGUSTA: We used to have great time.
NELL: Go alone.
AUGUSTA: As you wish.
Augusta enters into another room.
Enters Fiona with coffee tray.
FIONA: More coffee.
NELL: Yes. Your coffee give back life into my body.
FIONA: I’m glad.
NELL: How are boys?
FIONA: Fine... But...
FIONA: They are looking for groom. I think you need to know.
NELL: Robin was with me.
NELL: Nice coffee.
Enters Augusta, she is very exited, wants to say something. Notices Fiona and tries to show on gestures to Nell, but Nell doesn’t get it.
FIONA: More coffee?
NELL: How about you, Augusta?
AUGUSTA: Hot. Really, hot.
FIONA: Good coffee is have to be hot.
AUGUSTA: I know. And I think Ethel think the same.
NELL: Does she need coffee?
AUGUSTA: Not coffee...
Augusta points with finger to the door.
Door opens and enters Ethel in long morning bathrobe.
ETHEL: Morning to all. I need not only coffee but also aspirin.
FIONA: I have aspirin in kitchen.
ETHEL: I will go with you. And... Augusta...
ETHEL: My idea about evening with charades was better.
NELL: I told the same at morning.
ETHEL: I am glad that Robin choose such smart bride.
Fiona takes tray.
NELL: I will help.
Nell takes two caps.
Nell and Fiona exit. Ethel stops Agusta by hand.
ETHEL: One moment.
AUGUSTA: Aspirin is in the kitchen.
ETHEL: I heard.
AUGUSTA: Can I help you?
ETHEL: You bring this man here.
AUGUSTA: It was for pleasure.
ETHEL: Now you quietly take him away. Until my son wakes up.
AUGUSTA: You are free woman and nobody will tell...
ETHEL: I know. Please, do what I asked.
AUGUSTA: Of course.
ETHEL: And one more thing.
ETHEL: Write me his number, I am free woman and nobody will tell me nothing.
Ethel goes away, Augusta shocked stands still.
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